Surfers murdered in Baja for the tyres on their Chevy Colorado pickup, say police - BeachGrit

By Velouria Velveteen

5 months ago

"OMG, imagine if I gave Slater a blowjob, my Mumwould be so stoked. She's a decade younger than him and stillthinks he's hot."

Let’s trot. So bossing the Changa is back inCoolie. I’m trying with my boyfriend to hookup a babe for a throuple, maybe a toasty Brazilianstud if we can’t.

Sure, the bank is groomed, the waves have been really fun, andif I get to give a few blowies or lick some fannies that will beicing on the cake. I ran out of Olanzapine to trip outthe anorexic thoughts but if I have to be a mad slag tosurvive, life is still grand.

Went on a shoot with X, horny slag herself, but rips.

OMG, the photog was a complete creepy cat. He tried to fingerbang me in the back of the changing room. I screamed and said,“What the fuck dude, my boyfriend will fuck you up”.

He said he was sorry and made some lame arse excuse and boughtme and X Air Mails all night at the Rattlesnake.Said he could get me a sponno with Rip Curl. Creepy dude is so fullof shit. So many dudes full of shit.

Still, ZX did a smoking little DJ set and I gave Ronnie (haha,not his real name) a blowjob in the dunny after he gave me a littlebump. So fun. Still horny when I got home so I woke boyfriend upwith a blowjob and jumped on. Damn, I forgot how much the psychmeds gutted your sex drive. I feel like the horniest lioness onearth.

Next morning we had breakfast at HaigSt, Kirra. I had pear and raspberry loaf and a flatwhite. Felt like a fat cow, but whatever. X had a green bowl and aBloody Mary. What a pyscho!

We had to wait for the tide to drop to do a lap. Money was tightbut I knew I had more work in LA. I saw my agent the other day andhe told me they couldn’t get American girls because they were allso fragile. I love the way he says it: “Sooo frah-jil.” He’s gay asa lord but so lovely. Flew all the way to Australia from New Yorkto find some new girls. He said Australian girls had more spunk andgave better blowjobs. How would he know, he’s probs a kai-kaiwhippee!

So many babes on the bank. I’m psychotically competitive outthere. Had to break some creepy old guys wank dream when he was toodeep, just to get a set wave. The Number Eight Handle-me made me goes so sickout there. Rosie and me had soo much fun. She dropped in on Slater.He’s kind of gross and kind of hot still. I told Rosie she shouldoffer him a blowjob.

OMG, imagine if I gave Slater a blowjob, my Mum would be sostoked. She’s a decade younger than him and still thinks he’s hot.My Dad hates him, thinks he a total kook.

Dad tried to make it as a pro and never got off the Q-ey. Endedup with a hefty credit card debt and a cocaine addiction. He livesin Indo now. I don’t see much of him since he split with Mum, neverdid really. He never once came to visit when I was in the mentalhealth unit. That made me sad. It makes me sad thinking of him, soI don’t. He’s probably got some Indonesian girlfriend my age. Whyare guys are so freaking creepy and gross. So dog.

There’s that psycho bitch who tried to fuck my boyfriend while Iwas sick. She is kind of hot I have to admit. Trying to get on theChanga, I heard she gave a blowjob to X’s coach. What a slut. He’ssuch a crusty old gross dude, too. So many creepy cats in the surfindustry.

I couldn’t do anything in the clinic anyway. Locked up inLismore for six weeks getting fed Fluoxetine and doing grouptherapy every day. Mum would visit from Byron every few days. LeastI could listen to Billie Eilish and make lame psych ward Tik Toksand finger bang the other chick in there. We were both so bored andshe was cute and a slut like me.

Maybe Aussie chicks are just as frah-jil as the american ones? Idon’t know. We’re all pretty fucked up in the head. Least I’m chillnow and not a psycho bitch like X.

Life’s pretty good, actually. I mean it’s OK. I still have to dosome shifts at the cafe in Coolangatta. The one run by Israelis.The chef is rapey and sigma and the manager told me my dress wastoo short and my boobs were too exposed the other day. What ajealous, sex neggy bitch. I called the owner and told him I wasquitting and he begged me to stay so I guess I will for a bit.Until I go overseas, at least. He’s a full cooker but it’s OKmoney.

Maybe I’ll go back to uni when I get back. Fuck going back toMelbourne though, shitty experience during lockdowns. So zesty, allmy friends came home. I could study here and surf every day, moveback in with Mum. I don’t really know and don’t really care. I’monly 19 so no rush. Maybe I’ll even get back on the Q-ey. Maybe endup in New York, the lesbian bars are great, immaculate vibes.

D-bah looked fun today but we surfed Snapper into Greenmountagain. The queen was out, omg I luv her so much. Such an angelbabe. If I could be one person it would be Steph Gilmore.

Sammy Pupo burned me but I tried to give him my number, I lovethat little moustache and the grill. Hot doggy. I hope he wins thecomp. I feel horny as fuck because I am living in an existentialvacuum. I dunno. We’re all going to fry and sometimes life barelyseems worth living.

Like, what is the point of it? Forget about it, we’re allfucked.

I’ll catch up for coffee at Vanilla Lily with Nadia, she wantsto start a biz selling jewellery and swimwear, with me. We couldset up in Bali and live in Canggu, sell the stuff back here atmarkets and online.

It sounds pretty sick. A nice little life, for sure.

Still in Coolangatta now, though. Probably go watchthe Changa finaltomorrow. Have some fun at the Sands afterwards, grab a guy or babefor a threesome.

Life’s alright if you don’t think about it too much, even whenyou are off the meds.

(Editor’s note: Velouria Velveteen is the nom de plumeof a noted Coolangatta surfer, who wishes to remain reasonablyanonymous for pretty obvious reasons. This is her first piece forBeachGrit.)